A Change of Perspective

On this past Monday I went to the most interesting lecture at my university.

The lecturer was Dr. Janice McGregor from the University of Arizona. She completed her undergraduate degree at Wilfrid Laurier University, her Masters degree at the University of Waterloo, and moved onto complete her PhD in German Applied Linguistics at Penn State.

From there, she went on to work as an Assistant Professor of German at Kansas State University from 2012-2018 and has since been working as an Associate Professor at The University of Arizona where she is also an affiliate faculty member in the Interdisciplinary PhD program in Second Language Acquisition and Teaching (SLAT) (citation).

Her lecture was all about her research on the study abroad experiences of university students. She focused on"tensions that arise from misconceptions about language and intercultural education. In particular, she addresses how students challenge but also reinscribe ideologies grounded in monolingualism, native-speakerism, and neoliberalism" (citation).

Being someone who has studied abroad both in university and in elementary school, I though this lecture was right up my alley and I couldn't have been more right.

During the presentation she showed a conversation analysis of a student named Brad and I really related to his experience. He was at a gym and speaking German to someone. They noticed that he had a foreign look to him since he was part Cherokee, though the person he was speaking to had thought he was Spanish. They asked about his background and as soon as they learned he was indeed a foreigner, they began to only converse in English.

Brad expressed his frustration with this since it seemed like his goal of learning and practicing more German was over looked and he'd instead become a novelty. Whenever he spoke in German, they still spoke back in English.

I've had this same experience many times before, one even when I wasn't the one who spoke English, but was met with English anyway. I find these experiences very frustrating because I often take them personally. I feel like I've made a mistake so big that it's proved I'm incapable of communicating in my second language, and so those around me feel the need to default to English. I think these moments hit me so hard because languages are my whole life.

As you know, I'm a teacher. This week I had to teach Algebra for the first time ever and I haven't done Algebra since maybe high school. While I know I can do it if it put my mind to it, I'm reminded again that my strengths lie in words not numbers.

When I fail in math, I can console myself by saying it's okay, I'm better in other areas. But when I fail in language, or at least feel like I have, I don't have something else to fall back on.

Languages are my life's passion; I blog write, I teach all areas of language, both first and second languages. My whole career and education is centered around words. In language is really where I feel my value and self worth are. When I feel as though I've failed in this area, it's very hard for me to cope with. I end up feeling as though I lack value.

I also hate to stand out, or draw attention to myself. I've said this before in past posts, but I'm lucky to be able to pass as German in the looks department, but my accent and grammar mistakes give me away as a foreigner. I'd much rather assimilate into German society by erasing my English when I speak in German.

One of the highest compliments a second language learner can receive is "Wow, you have no accent when you speak in (said second language)", as Dr. McGregor mentioned in this lecture and I couldn't agree more. It's the ideal we, as second language learners, are taught to strive towards.

After the presentation, I wanted to ask Dr. McGregor a question since she had talked about her own experiences studying abroad as a student, and as a professor leading these programs. I wanted to asked her what advice she had for students like Brad. How can they cope with the frustration that comes from these encounters and how can we avoid them?

Her advice was eye opening for me. The whole time I've been focused on my goals and my wants. I've been focused on erasing my English identity in the ideal of sounding like a native German; being able to fit in and go unnoticed as a foreigner.

She told me that every situation was different. In some, perhaps these individuals have ill intent, but perhaps they don't. She recommended, that I try to see it from the other person's perspective. They may have good intentions that perhaps did not have the intended impact on me, but nevertheless their perspective on the interaction matters too.

Perhaps they also don't get many chances to practice their second language, maybe they are proud to show off their skills, maybe they wish to make me feel more at ease and comfortable and they think this is they way to do it, or maybe using the language they believe is easier for us both makes their day less stressful. It is likely they have no ill intentions of making me feeling stupid, or incapable of conversing in my second language, but rather only good intentions.

I don't think I've ever thought this way about it before. I think I've always been stuck in my own feelings on the matter since it is so heavily tied to my self esteem. I need to take steps outside of myself more and see what the other person in experiencing in these interactions with me. Changing the way I view things will take time for sure, but it is definitely a nicer way of perceiving these interactions.

I find, the more I struggle, learn, and grow in my second language and field of study, the more I feel this really is the right path for me. It doesn't always feel like it during the struggle, but it does after I've found a way through it. Germany is without a doubt my home, and Canada always will be too.

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I'm very thankful toward Dr. McGregor for all her feedback and for an absolutely riveting presentation on a topic that I strongly believe matters. I have no doubt that her research will continue to make great changes to the students, educators, and programs in the field.