Leaving the City I've Spent My Whole 20's In

I'm sure you can guess by the title what this means...I got accepted into my Masters Program!!!! That means I'm back at school in September and in January, I move to Germany!

When I got the news, I cannot begin to tell you how unbelievable excited I was. I, of course, received and accepted my offer letter the same day.

The way it feels knowing that I'm now a graduate student is the coolest freaking feeling in the whole world! I'm that much closer to my dream of become a professor and I couldn't be happier. Even more so because I have a T.A.ship as a part of my program, which means I'll have adult students I either teach or assist at the university in the fall. I love my job at the private school and my students, but after teaching K-12 for the last 2 years, teaching university students will be a very welcome change.

I've taken the last 2 years off school to work and I've missed school so much in that time. Getting experience in your field is really important, but I've missed going to lectures, I've missed writing papers and researching. I've missed the overall experience of being a student and I'm so excited to be back at it!

Now, let's talk feelings surrounding the move. When I thought about how I would write this post, I thought I would reminisce on all the things I'll miss from the city I spent 9 years of my adult life in, but the way I'm feeling now is more just eager to leave. Of course there are things I'll miss, like how some mornings the whole city smells like freshly baked bread thanks to the Weston bread factory, or my students who I've seen progress over the last 2 years. But honestly, there is very little I feel attached to in Canada anymore.

If I'm really honest, I so ready to leave.

I've been saying that I'm moving to Germany for years now. I've gone back and forth with being serious about it and giving up on it, but this time around I'm so sure this is the right decision.

My last trip to Germany was when I went on the CSSG program and I went into it with the mindset that I wouldn't struggle too hard and boy howdy was I wrong. But that program taught me a lot and prepared me for how harsh the reality of studying abroad can be sometimes.

I feel fairly certain though, that, this time, even through all the hardship, I won't wish to go back to Canada like I did the last time. I want this change, even if it's uncomfortable for longer than I might enjoy. I want this new life and to leave the last 9 years of my Canadian one behind. I just feel so ready for this next chapter in my life and want it to start it all already.

I've always been a relatively impatient and impulsive person (I'm a Gemini), which means waiting is not something I'm good at. The fact that I finally know that this dream of mine has become a reality, but I still have wait a few months to leave, leaves me feeling restless.

Why am I so eager? I think I'm ready to be someone new. I believe I've talked about this in previous posts before, but one of my favourite things to do while I travel is to pretend to be someone else for the day. I'm not Frau Hannah, I'm a rich heiress getting away for a weekend, I'm a German girl on vacation, I'm whatever I want to be in that given moment and no one knows any better but me.

I feel this really strongly with my move to Germany. This isn't just a trip away, this is a full year of studying abroad, not just a language, but as a part of my second degree. I want to not just pretend to be someone else, but re-invent myself. No one, except a very select few in Germany, will know any of my history, so I have the perfect opportunity to be someone new. I want to leave things in Canada behind and become whatever Frau Hannah is meant to be in Germany.

I think, because of these feelings, I feel an unsettled-ness with creating more connections or memories in Canada right now. I don't want to add anymore to this plotline of my life, I kind of just want to go through the motions and let time pass till my move to Germany.

I'm just so ready for change and want it now, but there is a reason it's delayed till January and I'm sure these next few months will reveal to me why.

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I'll keep you updated on the process of my MA. So far, I know I'll be taking 2 classes on top of my T.A.ship, I know when one of my classes is, I know how much my tuition is, I know how much I'll receive in funding from my university, and I think I know the niche for my thesis now, but that's about it. There's lots that still needs to be ironed out, but I've got time before classes start in September and time before my move in January.

I can't wait to take you with me to Germany! It's gonna be so transformational.